Sometimes.....

Sometimes……

TO BE GRATEFUL for an unanswered prayer, to give thanks in a state of interior desolation, to trust in the love of God in the face of the marvels, cruel circumstances, obscenities, and commonplaces of life is to whisper a doxology in darkness.” 
 ~ Brennan Manning

There’s a saying going around:  Sometimes you win, and sometimes…..you learn.  Sometimes you feel like a superhero at the top of your game, swinging high in the trees.  However, sometimes…..you have fallen off your swing, and your knees are all skinned up and bleeding. 

Back ……..and forth…….

                                 Back ……....................and forth…….......

Back ……..

                                ……and…….

                                                                             forth…….

I look outside my front window and I see the leaves on my tree changing from one season to the next.  The leaves, once green, are now a yellowy brown hue and will soon fall to the ground and blow away.  There will be winter; and then in the spring, little buds will form and be blooming in no time. 

Life changes.  You change.  For better or worse, it happens.  What direction will we choose to take? Where will we go? Where will we allow ourselves to float to?  

I remember being the young 20 something…..I love people, and to hear about their stories….I love rejoicing when they rejoice, but inevitably, I would listen to the hard parts of their journey and try to be helpful and positive.  I would have something to say that would begin with something like, “well, at least…..”  Yes, there is a time and place for the ‘at least’ conversation, but sometimes…..I think we just move there a little too quickly.  We want to fix things fast and let people move on.  The need for instant gratification makes us want to always live ‘on the bright side’ of things and deny that sometimes we need to dwell in the gray a little bit longer than we would like to.  Just like babies have to learn how to crawl before they walk, in hard times, we need to learn to rock back and forth until we are strong enough to stand on our own.

The challenge for me and many of us is to learn how to be happy with those that are happy, and, when needed…..to learn how to sit with those in the dark and hold their hands, until they can feel and see the light again.  I’ve been on both sides.  I’ve sat in the dark with others, and I’ve had others sit in the dark with me.  Psalm 46:10 tells us to “be still and know that He is God.” How many of us are willing to do that?  Sticking with the process where we learn to say that it is well with our souls, even when things are not well in our lives….that is a difficult thing indeed, but oh so worth it.

I’ve learned that sometimes life just happens and you have to roll with it.  And when your wheel is stuck and you can’t roll anywhere, sometimes the best thing is not to look for the quick and easy way out, but to learn to let it rain, then feel the sun on your face, and grow where you are until you are strong enough to continue on the path.

 I stumbled across a very cool analogy that went with a chapel lesson I gave to my munchkins this week, and it really spoke to me.  It’s a Japanese term called “kintsukuroi,” which basically is to repair broken pottery with gold and silver lacquer and that it is more beautiful after it was broken because of how it was repaired.  

When something is broken, all is not lost.  Even though life will never be as it was, He can make something beautiful out of what we think is a crumbled state.  He can put us back together, fill in the cracks with His best gold and silver and make us even better than before. Trust Him with your broken shards…..let Him put you back together with His best.  You won’t be as before, but there are pieces and fragments and He can and will make you beautiful again.  Ask Him to help you be patient in the process.

Close your eyes.  Blink a few times…..take a deep breath, and appreciate the moment you are in.  Whatever that moment is, learn to say thanks that He is sharing it with you.  An old church song, "He Is Here," by Kirk Talley goes through my brain when I think of it ~ "He is here is hallelujah, He is here, amen, He is here, holy holy, I will bless His name again. He is here, listen closely, hear Him calling out your name. He is here, you can touch Him, you will never be the same."  I believe that with all my heart.  Whether you are winning, or learning those hard lessons, which in my opinion, is really winning, just keep swinging, keep pumping those legs, because “sometimes” does not mean “forever,” and this too will eventually pass.

No Turning Back

“Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies … the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.
Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.” 
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Tonight, I am traveling a road I wish I never had to go down.  This time 9 years ago in 2006, this is the last night a family took their last breaths on earth.  I didn’t find out that night, but was awakened by a friend early the next morning.  While I slept in peace, my friends passed from one life to another.  Another tragic reminder we live in a very fallen and imperfect world. 

Death.  It changes you.  You are never the same once you experience it.  I often like to share with others how my Shepherd kids have changed me for the better.  But when I come to these Shepherd friends’ story, it leaves me with an ache I know will go with me to the grave.  If you are like me, there are many aches we will carry with certain names attached.  Aches you might ‘forget’ about for awhile.  Until you hear a phrase, smell a certain scent, or have a certain date roll upon you and there you are again, just like it happened in that moment, even though it has been almost a decade away. 

So, is the answer to never open ourselves up to others again?  To cut ourselves off?  To put the walls up?  If we never love, then we never really have to experience the searing pain of loss when it comes upon us.  But is that how we were meant to live?  REALLY live?  Nope.  Not at all.  We were meant to love, to live fully, to laugh, to cry in all of life’s moments.  We are not journeying alone.  My Heavenly Father never said he would shield us from pain or the hurts of this life.  But He did promise we would not have to walk it alone.  I am thankful for that.  I am also thankful for those He sends to walk this earth with us.  I am glad I'm not alone in this.

Today, I share that Alberto, David….their family….taught me that it’s okay to look back….to remember.  But to also press on.  That old song plays in my head, “I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back.  No turning back.”  Let’s not turn back friends.  Let’s keep moving forward. 

For those of you in my Shepherd family that knew these dear friends, let’s remember the good things about them today,  and smile, and remember their LIFE and their JOY…….and choose to remember He has given us many more families to love.  Keep going. Don’t stop. Ever.