No Turning Back

“Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving. When the child leaves home, when the husband or wife leaves for a long period of time or for good, when the beloved friend departs to another country or dies … the pain of the leaving can tear us apart.
Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.” 
― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Tonight, I am traveling a road I wish I never had to go down.  This time 9 years ago in 2006, this is the last night a family took their last breaths on earth.  I didn’t find out that night, but was awakened by a friend early the next morning.  While I slept in peace, my friends passed from one life to another.  Another tragic reminder we live in a very fallen and imperfect world. 

Death.  It changes you.  You are never the same once you experience it.  I often like to share with others how my Shepherd kids have changed me for the better.  But when I come to these Shepherd friends’ story, it leaves me with an ache I know will go with me to the grave.  If you are like me, there are many aches we will carry with certain names attached.  Aches you might ‘forget’ about for awhile.  Until you hear a phrase, smell a certain scent, or have a certain date roll upon you and there you are again, just like it happened in that moment, even though it has been almost a decade away. 

So, is the answer to never open ourselves up to others again?  To cut ourselves off?  To put the walls up?  If we never love, then we never really have to experience the searing pain of loss when it comes upon us.  But is that how we were meant to live?  REALLY live?  Nope.  Not at all.  We were meant to love, to live fully, to laugh, to cry in all of life’s moments.  We are not journeying alone.  My Heavenly Father never said he would shield us from pain or the hurts of this life.  But He did promise we would not have to walk it alone.  I am thankful for that.  I am also thankful for those He sends to walk this earth with us.  I am glad I'm not alone in this.

Today, I share that Alberto, David….their family….taught me that it’s okay to look back….to remember.  But to also press on.  That old song plays in my head, “I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back.  No turning back.”  Let’s not turn back friends.  Let’s keep moving forward. 

For those of you in my Shepherd family that knew these dear friends, let’s remember the good things about them today,  and smile, and remember their LIFE and their JOY…….and choose to remember He has given us many more families to love.  Keep going. Don’t stop. Ever.