Lifting the Veil

My 7 year old self sat there wiggling in the heat of our old church, trying to catch the breeze of those big fans they had going on both sides of the sweltering congregation. I remember my Dad being asked to take pictures for the couple’s special day and watching him go all over the place trying to get the best views and angles with his ever present camera snapping away…..yet it all seemed to fade as I watched HER come down the aisle.  That was my favorite part.  We all stood at the beginning of the wedding processional waiting for the pretty lady in the white dress.  Not always, but especially back in the older days, there would be a veil draped in front of her face, giving a mysterious allure surrounding her. Sometimes her father would be the one to lift the veil, sometimes it was at the end when the pastor would say my favorite 7 year old heart’s words, “And you may now kiss your bride.” My eyes would grow wide, my breath would catch, and I would swoon every time. It was like the fairy tales I would read before turning in each night. Seeing the groom lift that veil and kiss his bride was like a real fairy tale come to life.

Fast forward 37 years....I’m sitting across from my doctor.  I’ve well learned by now that life is not a fairy tale.  After some medication changes, we were following up with each other. When asked how I was adjusting, I told her that it was like a veil had been lifted. I had been so forgetful, foggy, not sleeping well, feeling so many things that I knew was a result of my hormone levels being off….Growing old is not for sissies! Your body betrays you, your mind betrays you….And if you walk down life’s path long enough…eventually your friends will let you down, and given time, you will do the same, because we humans tend to mess things up!  In the right perspective, we could pray to say that life is just full of opportunities to grow. It doesn’t always feel like it, but we all have a choice in which direction we will choose to gravitate; we can choose to grow stagnant, or to thrive.  To give up, to press on. To live in turmoil, or in joy and peace, no matter what curve balls life decides to lob our way.

To be honest, this past year, I’ve felt a little lost.   Just like anyone else, there’s a lot that happens in 365 days that have attributed to this.  Have you ever been there?  Not sure what the next steps should be?  What now?  Where do I go from here?   My prayer has been to grow in wisdom, just like Jesus did, but most of these past 12 months I’ve felt like a fish flailing and flopping about out of the water.  Learning to listen for the words of my Savior within the noise of my mind has been a challenge!   He has proven time and time again that even in the noise, He is there.  I just have to work a little harder to find the silence so I can better hear Him.

While that little 7 year old just tingled with excitement at the thought of their new lives, the 44 year old thinks, “Oh my! They have no idea what is in store for them, fasten your seat belts friends!"  One day may be sunny and perfect, the next you are lying face up and wondering how you got there.

Veils. We wear them to hide our faces, just like a bride has a layer between herself and her groom.  When the veil is lifted, for me it is a symbol of the bride and groom throwing everything off so they could see who they truly are. No hiding.  The 2 becoming 1 has no room for secrets. Everything needs to be out on the table.  Taking one day at a time, learning over a lifetime how to be real, vulnerable, honest, and yet pray to love that other person more than they love themselves. Not an easy task!

Veils or head coverings in the past have also been used for those who are experiencing a time of grieving.  When I talk to our kiddos about the way people grieved in the Bible, they are usually shocked the first time they hear it.  When bad things happened back then, people were known to tear their clothes off of their bodies, replace their normal clothing with sackcloth, and dump dirt and ashes on their heads.  The covering of the head was almost always a part of the process.  And when one person did this, it was near certain that your community would do the same around you, to grieve with you.  It was easily seen when a person was going through a rough time.  Curious, one of the kids asked me this year why they don’t see people really do that today? So I threw the question back at them. There were a lot of different answers that they came back with. I remember one in particular.  She said, “I think we don’t do that today because most people don’t care anymore, so why bother?”  Basically, why show our pain if no one is going to do anything about it.  We have some very deep kids, let me tell you!  My stomach clenched as I listened to her words.

What I didn’t share that day, was that a few years ago, someone once used very similar words with me during a painful conversation.  I remember it vividly. I said, with tears in my eyes, to this person sitting across from me, “I just need to know that someone cares.”  This individual quickly came back with the thought that I needed to stop expecting people to care the way I needed them to.  That broke my heart to hear that, it ripped me apart at my core. 

Taking a deep breath,  I looked at the group and said, “then we need to become people who show others that they care. How can we do that?”  Not wanting our kids to think that life is a fairy tale, I did want them to know that change can happen, but we need to be part of the solution.   Jesus is my Sustainer, my Everything, and our kids need to certainly know and experience this truth, but we are also supposed to live in community, and I cannot fathom living in a world, in a community, where I truly believed that no one cared.  Being willing to share, to be vulnerable, to let others see your tears, to allow them into your inner sanctum, is an incredible gift. The need to hide our pain, to put the veil down, to preserve and protect ourselves is what leads to our own undoing. Trying to go it alone, without a tribe, without a community, will bring isolation ~  like a tsunami that will quickly sweep in and take everything near and dear to you away.  Henri Nouwen said, “We need to be angels for each other, to give each other strength and consolation. Because only when we fully realize that the cup of life is not only a cup of sorrow but also a cup of joy will we be able to drink it.” 

We need to be willing to not only lift our own veils, but also the veils of others. Are we willing to listen, to care? To show others that they are not alone? When we begin to care less of the opinions of the people around us, and more about God’s truths, we will begin to taste what real freedom feels like. I’m not calling us to callousness, but I am calling us to remember where our strength lies.  What are we allowing to control us?  What dictates our thinking?  To what and whom are we giving our energies?   Seeking God’s truth first is vital to our survival.  His opinion should be what gives us our worth first.

Sue Thoele said, “The veil between us and the divine is more permeable than we imagine.”  I think this is why a great earthquake tore the veil in the temple in 2 on the same day that Jesus was crucified on the cross. We weren’t meant to be separated from Him. We were meant to be One with Him.   And as we learn to be vulnerable with Him, we will also learn to be real and vulnerable with others.  My prayer is that we can find a way to be brave.  Jesus gave all of Himself for us.  Are we willing to give all of ourselves for Him?  Brave enough to lift our veils to the One who first loved us more than anyone else could, to show our real selves in a very imperfect existence.  To trust that in time, He will make all things new, including you and me.